While sitting on the toilet just now, after I had finished pooping, I noticed in the trash can across from me a plastic wrapper that said “fecal tissues.” I wasn’t sure what to make of that. For a solid three or four minutes I sat there in growing confusing, trying to understand how the hell I had lived 22 entire years without ever once becoming aware that fecal tissues were a thing on this earth.
Well, it turns out I just have bad vision. The wrapper said “facial tissues.”
Life-shattering discovery: averted.
1. Get on Ellen to share my book with the world.
2. During the show, make the “bombshell announcement” that I do not, in fact, have SMA, but rather faked everything as a publicity stunt.
3. Say something along the lines of “And now, to prove it, I WILL GET UP AND WALK.”
4. Flop out of my chair onto the stage, breaking all my bones in front of millions of viewers.
Sales will skyrocket. I’m sure of it.
"Stop moving unless you want your eyeballs to be patriotic, too."
My latest article about the World Cup madness, playing sports in my wheelchair, and bad decisions involving face paint.
Yes, I have an authentic styrofoam NERF sword in my bedroom.
Yes, I am trained to use it.
No, I will not hesitate.
Something about using Internet Explorer to download Google Chrome just feels so dirty and wrong.
Signed a deal yesterday to have my book turned into an audiobook!
My vote for narrator: Gollum from Lord of The Rings.
Absolutely! My chair is actually a smaller size (and it’s huge for me). The normal size ones would probably work great. They have free ones to use at many of the bigger beaches, although we bought ours bc the free ones are not always available. Hope this helps!